Translation of my post in Malayalam "Chilar" (Some people). This was written a few months ago in the context of a scandal which rocked Kerala. Its about four different persons I met at different point of my life. The people are real though I have changed or hidden the names.
I met Maria at a working women's hostel in Bangalore where I stayed my first year in Bangalore. It was run by a convent. 100-150 girls stayed there and most of the girls hailed from middle class families of North Kerala. By today's standards, it may be considered a prison, but it was meant to be a safe residence for girls from villages and small towns coming to the big bad city in search of jobs. Soon I found a best friend in my room mate and accepted in her gang of girls, among whom Maria was the oldest. Maria often used to visit our room and talk for long. She loved reading and her all time favourite book was Jane Eyre. The conversation in the hostel was often about marriage, pros and cons, dreams and fears, proposals and rejections etc. Maria also talked about alliances she received. Somehow all the alliances were below expectations and had some or other serious flaws. Though Maria was not a beauty, she looked fine. She was educated, had a good job and her family background was fine too. Still, she did not seem to get suitable alliances for some reason.
The second favorite topic in hostel was bitching about the nuns, especially the bitter ones. One day after dinner , we were having a long gossiping session and someone had a lot of complaints about one nun in particular. This one always had a bitter face and sharp tongue. She just could not stand the sight of any girl looking happy. If she saw a bunch of girls talking and laughing, she immediately found some other fault and scolded them. Maria got very angry for a moment. "If she is unhappy being a nun, she should leave convent, not spread bitterness to other people's lives". I was surprised, "Can they leave ? I thought they have to be nuns till death"., "Oh, no. Nuns can leave. They just need guts" , Maria looked proud for some reason.
A few months later, the hostel was rocked by a new gossip. A new girl recognized Maria and revealed her past to other girls. Apparently her sister was a classmate of Maria and they knew her in college days as Sister Maria, a nun. Since most of the girls were catholic, the news was significant to them. We did not ask Maria about it as we had no clue how to take it. We were young and still learning about normal life and did not know what to think about this unusual thing in our friend's past. Besides we were not Christians and this did not matter to us. So we just pretended we did not know. Soon after that Maria left the hostel and moved out to somewhere else. In due time, all of us moved out of the hostel to different places. Soon I lost touch with Maria and never saw her again.
Maria's story had a happy ending. Two or three years passed by. My best friend called me one day with a pleasant news, she met Maria again. Maria was married, to a Malayali living in Europe. She affectionately introduced two teenagers as her children and she was holding her small baby in her arms. Maria looked very very happy, my friend reported happily. Does the story remind you of Sound of Music ? That's why I named her Maria.
Uncle is the next person. I cannot reveal much details about him without revealing his identity. I called him uncle and let us refer to him that way. Uncle was a businessman and Aunty was a teacher. I knew them very well in my Bangalore days. They looked like any other Malayali family settled in Bangalore, except that there was a difference. Uncle was a Catholic priest once. This was not really a secret, most people still addressed him as 'father'. Uncle left behind the power and prestige and security of priesthood for marriage and a normal life and worked hard to build his business and life. He still went to church in Sundays like a normal person. He was not a hypocrite like some others.
I met Vaishnavi sixteen years ago, at a personality development program. She was guide for a group of ten people including me for the sessions spanned over ten weekends. She was volunteering at the program. She was actually a teacher of Yoga and Meditation. Nobody can forget the beautiful and intelligent Vaishnavi. She has her own perspective on all aspects of life. How old was she ? I could never guess. Energetic like a twenty-five year old, wise like forty-five year old. Tall, fair, twinkling eyes and a hearty smile , who would have believed Vaishnavi was once a sannyasin , a hindu renunciate. At a very young age, she left home and joined an Ashram somewhere in the valleys of Himalaya mountains. She did not talk about any particular reason to leave, she just felt one day her path is different. The yoga and meditation she learned in Ashram helped her to make a livelihood in the world outside. Initially she never asked for fees , just let her students pay what they wish. Unfortunately some of them just paid respects, not money! Then she started asking for a fixed amount as fees.
In one session, the group discussed about love and life , and Vaishavi's statement shocked us. "Let me tell you what I did. I just chose someone and proposed to him. He was only a friend. But I chose to love him when he accepted my proposal. Love is not something that happens to us, it is something we choose to do". I still dont know whether she was right about love, but I have never heard such views from anyone else before that.
The fourth person is a lawyer I met ten years ago. He also left home to become a Sanyasi , a hindu renunciate. After graduation, he joined an Ashram somewhere in Karnataka. Pretty soon he realized that Ashrams also have all the politics , jealousies and ego clashes found in outside world. He quit before becoming a Sanyasi and joined law college where he met his wife. Incidentally today he is practicing family law and hearing whole day about matters that once he tried to avoid.
All of them have some common traits, they seemed more intelligent and had a stronger personality above other people. They have taken a decision in youth out of higher principles, but when they realized they wanted something else from life, they have shown courage to change the decision. Renunciation is just a way of life chosen by a person out of his free will and he or she has the same rights to leave it and embrace normal life of love, marriage and relationships out of their own will. Nobody has the moral right to look down on them or criticize for changing their will. For hindus , its not that big a deal. We dont mind people coming back home from Ashrams. I have heard it is not that easy with Christian nuns or priests in India. But it is not impossible as the lives of my friends have demonstrated.
It may be tough. But life is not easy always for anyone. You know the snake that swallows from 99th cell in snake and ladder game, then you have to start from first row again. Life throws such situations to anyone. Divorcees also go through similar situations. Nobody will wait with red carpet. You have to overcome the fear and despair and sense of failure and start over again. In the same way, if a priest or nun or Sanyasi or renunciate is not satisfied with that life, they can leave and live a normal life. It is much better than cheating self and others and have a secret life as some of the notorious holy people have done.
No comments:
Post a Comment